It's quite simple, really. My life is far too entertaining not to share with the general public. For example, moments after this photograph was snapped I was taken into custody by the Virginia Beach Police Department. They thought I was dressed like a hooker. I guess pink bras, leopard print, unbuttoned denim shorts, and cowboy boots will do that from time to time. I begged and pleaded with them to let them know that I was just dressed in character for my White Trash themed birthday party. They finally took my word for it, but told me they still had to take me in to the station for chugging a Budweiser in the middle of the street. I demanded that I was too sober for such nonsense so they gave me a breathalyzer. Turns out I was really hammered. I was handcuffed to a pole in an empty cell on my birthday screaming and crying that it was total BS that everyone was enjoying my party without me. Man, did that suck. I finally left the police station around 4 AM, barefoot with a brown paper bag that held my ID, a CLIPSE CD, hoop earrings, a black baby doll that said "Who My Daddy Is?", and my police reports. The best part? The guards at the station nicknamed me Crier McGuire. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, bitches. Anyway, if that's not proof enough that my life is hilarious, I've got more of where that came from. That's why I now introduce you to... MY DAILY DUMP.
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