47 Chromosomes and I'm going to hell.

So there is this girl with an extra chromosome who works in the mailroom at my office. She is always busting up into the nice peaceful third floor where I work all loud and yelling random shit like "Who want dey mail tuh-day, huhhh?" She is white, but has some issues with conjugating her verbs. I would say she is around age 25-30. I can't tell. She's either 20 or 40. So she comes up the other day all loud and crap like usual and starts kicking this empty cardboard box in between the cubicles yelling "What in this box? Some ASS pillows? It's so light it must be some ASS pillows!" She was calling them stupid ass pillows but forgot to stay stupid. Either way, she starts kicking it towards our really big-wig boss's office so this lady Jerri tries to distract her like she is a baby or a dog or something and goes, "Hey Jennifer, come in here. You want some candy?" Naturally, Jennifer enters her office and goes "What YOU want, Spiiider-Woman!?" Jerri ignores the compliment and goes, "Here don't you want some candy?" Jennifer replies, and I shit-you-not, "Why everybody always always tryin' ta feed me! I ain't eatin' no candy, it's almost lunch time and I'm goin to Golden Corral to TEAR. ME. UUUUP. some Banana Puddin'." Then she just walked away.

What does Kenny Powers think about the universal healthcare plan?

"After doing some online research about this healthcare shit, all I know is that Obama just fucked more people than Tiger Woods." -Kenny Powers take on Obama's healthcare plan.

the scoop

I have been missing in action FO-EVA, but I'm back! I have had a buttload of awesome stuff going on in my life lately to distract me. 2009 was a tumultuous year... the changes inflicted onto my life sent me into a bit of an emotional whirl but I am enthusiastic to say that it landed me happy as a clam on top of 2010. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little less than a year ago. When he called me to give me this news, I knew that he couldn't be the only tough-guy; he had enough to deal with. I learned it was time to swallow my pride and for lack of a better phrase, grow a pair. Somehow something just built up inside of me and I felt a massive sense of strength and empowerment and was determined to play the opposite role, the one that was going to be there for others. In my growing of this pair, I started to shed the negativity in my life... people and things I could honestly do without that I was always too scared to let go of before, and IT. FELT. AWESOME! Between love and work, I was managing to carry around a lot of extra weight that started really dragging me down. I feared that if I let go everything would crumble around me, when in fact it was quite the opposite. I took a deep breath, ditched it all, and told myself that I was going to be the one that ended up on the winning side of all situations. I started my own company, I got a great job, I moved, I have traveled all around to spend time with my best friends, and feel better than I have in quite a while. I feel incredibly fortunate to be in such a great place right now :)

Grammar Lesson

Remember kids, "i" before "e" except after "c" and when you're spelling "weiner".